


Silly Snippets

by TheLadyRebel



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Assassin's Creed III, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 00:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyRebel/pseuds/TheLadyRebel
Summary: A silly little request by an old friend of mine about Connor Kenway trying a Big Mac from McDonalds.





	1. The "Mac"

Connor tapped a finger on the table nervously, eyeing the meal before him. A Big Mac meal, complete with large fry and a Coke. He licked his lips and reached forward, hesitantly, wrapping his fingers around the soft bun of the burger. It was warm in his calloused hands and the aroma made his mouth water. 

Lifting the Big Mac, Connor opened his mouth and took a sizeable bite. Still clenching the sandwich firmly in one hand, he began to chew slowly, tasting, savoring this which was so new to him. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he swallowed.

"This burger..." he said as he looked upon it with shining eyes, "is..." Connor rose from the table, burger still in hand, "a DISGRACE!" he spat the word from his mouth like poison.

In one swift motion, Connor threw the burger to the ground and grabbed his bow from where he had placed it on the table. He plucked an arrow from the quiver on his back and locked it into the bow, aiming at the sandwich that lie in a heap on the floor before him. His eyes burned with rage and hellfire.

A woman sauntered over and tapped the enraged Native on the shoulder. She was dressed in a garb of deep crimson and black, a golden "M" tailored to her chest.

"Sir, I would advise you not to use that thing in here..." She waved a hand, gesturing at his bow.

Connor muttered a curse and lowered the bow, placing the arrow back into its place inside of his quiver. 

"And I would advise you not to argue with an assassin..." he replied, unsheathing a dagger from his boot. 

The woman eyed him for a moment before she burst into a vicious laughter. She then turned away, a hand gripping her stomach, and walked back behind the counter.

Connor frowned and sulked out of the establishment, still hungry.


	2. The "Mouse"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another silly little snippet, though this time Connor Kenway meets a very strange rodent.

The establishment was packed when Connor stepped inside. It reeked of urine and sweat and things he preferred to leave unmentioned. It was difficult to differentiate the sounds as well; a child screaming here, parent scolding there. And this "music" that blared from the loudspeakers stung at his ears, causing him to cringe.

Connor wished to leave this wretched place, this "Chuck E Cheese" as they called it, but he had come for a reason. A contract. One his employers called "The Mouse".

A strange name for a dangerous man, Connor thought to himself, yet I must complete this assignment no matter the circumstance.

Pushing past a dense crowd of ecstatic children and their tired and frustrated parents, Connor approached a man standing at a podium. The man that stood before him was heavy, his eyes as sunken as the ripples of fat that were his would-be torso. A single shock of grey hair was all that attempted to cover his greasy and balding head. 

The man lifted his eyes, with obvious effort, to asses the man now towering over him.  
"Sir," he said, his voice hoarse, "you'll have to wait in line with everybody else before yo-", but Connor did not allow the man to finish speaking before reaching over and lifting him by the front of his shirt. This was a challenging feat, even for Connor, due to the man's large size; yet he managed.

"Where is Chuck E.?" the assassin questioned, adding an unnecessary emphasis to the final "E".

"Y-you mean the m-m-mouse..?" the pudgy man croaked, terrified. "He's in the b-back...s-s-suiting up.."

"Point me in the right direction."

The man lifted a trembling hand and gestured toward the back of the establishment. "Through t-that door..."

Connor released the man, who promptly fell onto his rear, and headed back; however, before he was able to reach the door, something emerged from the back room.

The children greeted it with cries of sheer terror, scurrying over to destroy the creature. This must be him, Connor thought, this must be The Mouse…

Connor swore the beast's eyes met his for a fraction of a second before he charged.  
Unsheathing his tomahawk from its place at his hip, Connor sprinted forward, vaulting a table that stood in his path. With sheer willpower and determination, he shoved past the cluster of horrified children and buried the head of his axe into the beast's skull.

The creature let out a fierce cry and fell to its knees, clutching its head. The mouse had been defeated.

Connor quickly retrieved his tomahawk from the oversized rodent's head and turned, exiting the building without another word. His pay would be well tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this was something written for a friend way back in 2013.

**Author's Note:**

> This silly little snippet was written back in 2013.


End file.
